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[Giggles, and drops her hands and gaze to his hands.]

Humor me a moment, yeah?

Bowtie... was the same way. And told me not to snog him. [Face scrunch looking up.] Is that for... everyone or just... Fluffy?

[Glances away, but keeps holding onto his hands.] Because I...

[Looks back and drops the hands.] What I said before. If you could have anything you want from me here, what would it be? And answer that as if it was just you and me here and everyone else wasn't.

And then....

[Pushes her hair back with a hand.] And then give me a five minute window before I promise not to talk about Fluffy to you ever again unless it's totally critical, yeah?

It's not that I... could just go without hearing about collars and things. [because he just... there were certain things he just didn't care to revisit]

[as for the rest, he'd sort of like to get out of not answering it. But he owed it to her and he couldn't take care of her if he wasn't honest. They'd never worked that way]

If it were just us, it would be you and me and the TARDiS. Maybe not just as it was, but close. We would get into trouble. Get out of it again. [he wouldn't be here doing this and wasting time because what else was there to do?] And beyond that, who knows?

But that's not the situation.

[An annoyed sound.] I know. And I'm not asking you to change anything.

I just....

[Spreads her hands.]

I need to know--!!

[DOUBLE FACEPALMS AND TRIES NOT TO CRY. Her cheeks are so red. She wants to run away too. She doesn't want to have this conversation. It's big and scary and awful and what good could come of it? Only terrible things like... him flying away and leaving her with his clone...]

[She's really trying hard not to cry, and there's definitely a hiccup to her trembling voice.]

I need to know he's not just scared of losing me. That not just anyone would do. That it's not just history and guilt and whatever else Jack and I have.

[Cries, but drops her hands and hugs the Doctor.]

I chased you through the multiverse, because I didn't want anyone else and you walked away! [Bawls.] It's not that I want you to ever forget everyone else, or not weigh them into your consideration, okay!?

[Drops the hug and cries harder.] I want to be wanted for me! Not Rose Tyler the legend, or the impossible things I've done, or just being in the right place for once, or because I'm too stubborn to let anything go!!

When I said I'm the best, that's always what I meant! Just me! I want to be seen for me!

I do. I see you. You asked me and I answered that's what I wanted. [he doesn't know what to do for her though and that's the most frustrating of all] I can't speak for Twiggy. I don't know what he wants. I can't guess. He's too volatile and always has been so I can't be you answer.

[Holds a hand up to get control over her emotions.]

[DEEP BREATH.]

[Holds it.] I'm not asking you to.

[She doesn't look up though.]

Then... what should I do? [because he really has no idea. Not a single iota of one]

[Kiss me.]

[Be my friend.]

[Be you.]

[Rose gently takes both of his hands in hers.]

I love you.

[How does she explain it. The difference in what that meant from her to him. How Fluffy would say it here because he didn't have to worry about her dying, because he only had here left. How it wasn't an emotion. It was a promise. Her promise of forever. It didn't matter to her that he was 2200+ now, that he'd been through twice the amount of pain, that he refused to do it again, and she wasn't asking him to. What is she supposed to say, to do, herself?]

You said you'd help look after me, stop me from wrecking myself. If you jump, I'm jumping after you. So don't get hurt unless you're prepared for me to do it alongside with you. [He died without her. Because when she was there, he had to protect her. Or at least he tried harder. And he still would always try to send her away to protect her, but she would find a way back. She always did.]

[She gently squeezes his hands.] Trust me, that's enough.

Just... [Deep breath and sigh.] You don't have to do anything, or say the right thing, and please forgive me when I explode, I just... have to. I'm still sort of... coalescing from all the explosions and damage, and I'm sorry, I am, that you get so much of the brunt of it. But I love you, and I'll keep trying my best. Just... let me. Yeah?

And... [TSUN GLANCES AWAY HARD.] Tell me what you want. And I don't mean that you can't want what I don't want you to. Yeah, if you try to give up or die, I mean what I said, then I'm going down with you, so keep that in mind. But other than that. [Looks back at him seriously.] I want to go for french toast and rides to the beach, and half-freeze to death, and make your room extra-dimensional, and -- [A beat.] All that. Okay?

And understand.... I don't know you as well as I want. If you lie to me, I believe it. And it'll hurt me. You don't have to be honest, if you want to lie, just understand it'll get knotted up and there might be firecracker explosions from it.

Fluffy lied to me about Jack. Or maybe he didn't think it was a lie, and maybe I'm just too thick. But I really thought he was -- [Glances away again.] And when I... told him about Jack, he went and shagged him right that second.

[STONY FACE.] He doesn't remember it, but I need ya ta just... extrapolate that to you and me, yeah? You're not him, you're not the same, you're different, you've changed differently, all of that. But I need ya ta think hard sometimes. Because maybe your or I won't be here tomorrow like Rory, Amy, and Martha, or maybe we will for another 10 years.

For me, it's easy. What I want if I have a day, or I have infinity, that doesn't change. But be careful all right? For me. I'll always want to spend as much time with any part of you I can. That's what I mean when I say I love you. And I promise to fight for my chance for forever, how long I can make that.

But it hurts. And I don't like the hurt. Not a masochist either, yeah? [Impish grin.] Shame that.

[And eyes narrow.] And don't tell me not to do it, to protect myself from getting hurt because... [Drops his hands and exasperated hand shrug.] It hurts worse without you, stupid.

[she was small and fierce as a sun. He watched her. Listened. Understood. She was a human, a tiny creature in the wide universe with one brain stem and one heart and one face she would carry the rest of her life and it would age and die eventually. Probably. But she fought on. Because she was a humany human and didn't know how to give up, even in the face of the impossible. Instead she grinned at the impossible cheekily and winked and said 'wotcher' and probably tried to take it out for a drink to examine its point of view.

He smiled and cupped her cheek]

Alright, Rose Tyler.

[and stroked the soft skin under his thumb]

Have it your way.

[and he leaned in and kissed her]

[Her breath catches, leaning up to kiss him back.]

[She hovers on the brink, torn between pushing her luck with it or not.]

[If it's a dream, she'll wake up sad again, but only because it wasn't real, and he's not there, just like all the dreams the Doctor faded away from.]

[So she laces her hands behind his head and holds him close, enjoying the second as long as it lasts.]

[it's nice. Feels nice. Smells nice. It lasts because he enjoys it but when he eventually does pull back he gives it room to breathe, like a fine wine, seeing which direction it will go, and watches her brown eyes]

[Wherever she'll let him.]

[For once, there's no runaway train headstrong bulldozer emotion running her thoughts and every decision and action. Nor too much of the quick-thinking improvisation which gets them safely through the floor of a hospital, but with bruises to match.]

[This time, she's more cautious. Her trials in other dimensions giving her room to realize how to pause, how to watch and react accordingly, how to take it slow.]

[And it might not show, but she's already a billion times happier, lighter, like some burden has been lifted off her shoulders.]

[She takes his hands up, stepping forward, and coyly leads him back to dancing.]

You've gotten better.

[It's an obvious joke, not an accusation, and although she takes the lead for a little bit, it's just to test him, test the waters, make sure he's okay with her presence there, not going to freak out emotionally or in his head and need to recover some quick distance between them again via fighting.]

So have you. [he follows her lead willingly, smiling down at her] You've come a long way. But then, your ability to do so was never in question.

I haven't had much time to practice, so I know you're not talking about my dancing.

[WELL, she has done a fair bit of dancing in Genessia, including working as a backup dancer again, but she doubts that counts.]

[And anyway, she's pretty sure he's not talking about her dancing.]

I kinda thought... you didn't like the changes. Angrier, more what needed to be done, not necessarily happy things and all that.

[Glances away!] Honestly, kinda thought some days you wished I hadn't tried so hard to find you again. [Some days? ALL days.]

Anger can be the fuel of the universe, and what you've done-- and what you do, is for the service of others. How can I not like that? I'm just worried, that's all. But we'll help one another hm?

[together. Together was key. Together has always been key]

As for the other... I won't speak for Twiggy-- but I'm glad you're here with me. Even when we're at hammer and tongs with each other, it's worth it.

[HAPPY PLEASED HUM. THAT IS WHAT SHE TRIED TO DO WITH HER RAGE. And is he proud of her? SHE THINKS SO!!!]

[And there's a giant beam up at him at the end, reminded of him when he was all big ears and leather jacket and smiled at her.]

Yeah.

[And she'd give her left foot to kiss him again, but she's too shy, and feels like Lady in Lady and the Tramp when they're eating spaghetti and she pulls away gah.]

[So she just pulls in close to him, breathing him in. He smells older too. Not of leather anymore, or sex and lollipops like Ten, but motorcycle and chalk, and cinnamon and guh, bad idea focusing on that!]

[Beaming up at him!!!] I'm glad I'm here too. Living fairytale for me, yeah?

[he can see that almost. Though fairytales don't always end up well and, even if they do, there's a lot of hardship in between. But anyway, that's why it's better with two. Or more as the case may be.]

Just hope no other me shows up or we'll really have a mess on our hands. [though he doesn't mean it exactly, just something to say to further conversation. As she pulls him in he starts to lead almost accidentally, hand stroking the small of her back]

[She shifts to letting him lead, leaning on him happily.]

Oh, I dunno, I wouldn't mind Big-Ears showing up. Or your future just to put yourself in your place.

But I promise you this, yeah? I love every second I get to spend with this face. Ain't no one ever taking your place in my heart. Not even yourself. [Tongue loll grin.]

[And then laughs.] Although you probably wish someone would.

[as if big ears wouldn't put a giant depressed wrench in an already complicated love...whatever. So he's going to avoid talking about that at he moment]

My future self... [he hums a laugh] Never thought I would get one of those. It still seems far off... ... And I might not. Who knows what they did to me. [he still can't help but think of this as his last go round. For better for for worse.

As for the last, he smiles faintly and rests his cheek against her head]

Even if I say that, in my hearts, it's not true. I'd always want to be with you somewhere. Even if just in memory.

Well, you weren't supposed to exist either, remember? How much would that shock Fluffy, yeah?

[And the last part... totally breaks whatever inhibitions she had. All her concerns about him not wanting her because it would hurt and she couldn't stop that, all her fear of touching him because it might break him.]

[She just instantly surges up on tiptoes and kisses him hard, accidentally demandingly, just unable not to do anything otherwise, wanting him to know, to feel how that made her feel. It was funny in a way, because she'd gone a couple months before, avoiding Ten and Jack for her own sake, and because she didn't think it was fair to sublimate her feelings for this Doctor onto them, so actually getting to express that directly now?]

[She's thrilled.]

You're always with me, Doctor. Always.

[well he doesn't expect a demanding kiss but doesn't mind it either. Even returning it a bit]

Likewise. [he kisses the backs of her fingers] And I know I wasn't but the situation wherein I exist is a bit... well interesting to say the least.

Mm, good.

[Snuggles against his chest, holding him close, arms around his back.] Tell me about it? You're not lonely, yeah?

[Listens to his double heartbeat, and all is right with the world.]

I'll tell you, but don't spoil anyone even on accident. I know you won't generally but I feel the need to say it anyway, because it's important.

[because it's the last thing the Great Gonzo needs. He guides her back to the seat and, since he's got no where else for her, pulls her onto is lap as he sits]

It's a little bit...complicated.... [and then he explains]

Wotcher. [Puts a finger over her lips.] Not a word.

[And then she's in the Doctor's lap, and he has a very blissfully happy wiggly Rose, though as she listens, she gets a bit concerned.]

[She turns back to him, and places the finger over his lips time.]

Without gettin' guilty, didja never go back to Jack after e'erything else because o' her, or...? Just knew you could try to make things better with her because none o' your other friends would be an issue, or what?

[Gently kisses his cheek, before shifting around, back to snuggling her back to his chest.] I am proud o' you fer tryin', fer not givin' up on her, even with all it might cost you...

But Fluffy did something to really hurt Jack. Beyond just goin' back an' dyin'. An' if Fluffy knows, he's not tellin' me, but... [Chews her bottom lip in thought and shakes her head.] Not a word to anyone, I promise, but humor my concern that you lost contact with a lot o' people who'd do anything fer ya, and are keeping close the ones that would torture ya.

Jack never told me she did that, but he told me other things I can't tell you either.

Again, not about guilt, but I'm worried about you, Doctor.

[Not helped that she's worried about torturing him just by existing, or at minimum, making it worse.]

[Sigh.]

And I want to be a good thing, not a masochistic thing.

Edited Date: 2018-06-11 06:53 am (UTC)

Look. [he breathes out] It's... She's done horrible things. Reprehensible even. I know that. I understand that. But... I'm tired of fighting the reprehensibility of the universe. Davros will always be evil. Cybermen will always be evil. And so on, and so on.

And even with Missy... [he shakes his head] She's there because I couldn't let her die. Because I hope if I stick her in one place and talk to her long enough-- I can get through to her? It's probably a bad idea. It's probably the worst. But I can't not. I always want to try...

As for going back... [he traces a finger down her soft cheek] We try not to, Rose. It's never the same going back, you know that, and in general we prefer to move forward always-- But I'm sure you know that, too.

[he runs his thumb over her lower lip then drops his hand to his lap, or more accurately hers since it's right there]

I don't believe that.

That Davros and cyberman will always be evil. It only takes one, yeah? One dalek to decide not to kill? [Wry hopeful grin.] One time for Davros to do something differen', one cyberman to fight the others.

[And leans even further back into him, snuggling with her back and hips.]

Just don't move so far forward you lose yourself, Doctor. You have a lot of people who care. And I don't just mean... fighting the universe and all that's wrong. I mean fighting for you too.

Yeah, the worst most selfish part of me loved all the times it was just you and me, and I'm not sayin' you can't get through to her, but the universe doesn't stop if the Doctor dances.

[Leans back and gently slides both hands up his cheeks before pulling him in for a small kiss.] But if you want to change her for you, then I'm glad. I don't know her, but I believe in you, yeah? [Eskimo kisses!]

You said I made you better, but you made me better too. I think you forget that a lot. Remember how violent I was before? Or... I guess River and Sarah Jane and Mirajane say it was just human. But I don't think you made me less human at all. Just helped me see I had options when I thought there wasn't any. I don't think Davros and cyberman and daleks, and maybe Missy neither know their options yet. So if you think you can teach 'em, good!

[Fidgets and turns sideways to hug his chest and lean her head over his hearts.] Just don't think you've lost your own, all right? Please?